Have you ever wondered what it takes to find the person you’re supposed to be with? That person that’s your best friend, but gives you butterflies? And every time you hear that 8-letter, 3-worded sentence, your toes curl up inside your shoes?

Me?! You love ME?!

If you’re married or engaged, I sincerely hope that’s how you feel about your significant other. If you’re still wondering how you seem to be one of the ones on the outside looking in, keep reading. I’ve got a story you’ll want to read and that I hope will bring you hope for your future.

My story starts 10 years ago. I was a junior in college, and I had recently started at a new school. I was in the Admissions Office with my mom the first time I saw him. For the sake of keeping his identity hidden for the time being, let’s call him…Charles. I couldn’t put my finger on what I liked about him, but something inside me felt an instant ease. As my mom and I were leaving, my mom silently pointed him out and whispered in my ear, “He looks nice. That’s the kind of boy you should date.”

Later on that day, I saw Charles again in the apartment of one of the resident counselors on campus. As I sat down next to one of my friends, I whispered, “Who is that?” She looked back at me wide-eyed, “That’s Charles. You like him?” I shrugged. I still hadn’t met him yet.

Over the next few weeks, I got to know Charles. We had a lot in common. We had grown up with really similar backgrounds and we bonded over things like religion, dating, music, and even politics. I was overjoyed when I found out we had a class together since it meant I had more excuses to talk to him (and lets be real…he was so attractive, I just wanted to look at him all day.)

At the end of our first couple of months, he started dating one of my friends. I was heartbroken. I still remember seeing them holding hands and the drop I felt in my stomach. I ran up to my room, grabbed my keys and my purse and drove off campus trying to forget about what I’d seen.

The Colbie Caillat CD that I’d had on repeat since we’d met was not helping me. Songs that had opening lines like, “I think I felt my heart skip a beat/I’m standing here and I can hardly breathe/You got me,” and “I think I may be falling for you/Dropping so quickly…” only made me cry harder. Tears stained my cheeks as I drove the back road to the grocery store in the next town. I finally parked my car and sobbed.

I had a decision to make: be happy for my friends that they had found each other and keep the friendships that I had so carefully nurtured during my first few weeks, or I could get mad and possibly lose them both. I chose to suck up my feelings, be happy, and hope I could move on quickly.

As it turned out, Charles dating one of my friends allowed me to spend more time with him. Before I knew it, he felt like my best friend. I knew it was a little weird since he was really my friend’s boyfriend, but I had no intention of stealing him and I couldn’t see him leaving her, so I got to know him under safe terms that allowed our friendship to grow into something I began to rely on.

There were still moments that were hard for me. I remember when his family came to town and I realized that not only did he feel like home to me, but they did, too. I remember his mom’s perfect combination of serious and silly, and I was so happy to see that such a nice guy loved his mom. His dad was laid back – much like my own, and Charles’ relationship with his younger sister reminded me of my brother’s relationship with me. They seemed to fight and make up about every 10 minutes.

I did my best and swallowed how I felt.

The following year, I met someone else. We were smitten from the get-go of our relationship and following my college graduation, he proposed and we got married in January of the following year.

I never lost track of Charles. We were a bit more distant and I knew he didn’t like my relationship with my husband from the get-go, but I stuck with my man even through all the red lights that told me not to marry him.

After I got married, things went downhill fast. I won’t go into it in great detail, but it wasn’t a very healthy relationship, and something just didn’t seem right under the surface of it all. Most of all, I hated who I had become. I didn’t recognize myself. I overate, my body felt like it wasn’t mine, and I had no idea who was looking at me in the mirror.

Over the years I was married, I would hear from Charles every so often. Because I was trying to keep the peace in my marriage, I kept him at arm’s length. I’d tell him I was fine, but I knew he knew that I was lying through my teeth. That’s the thing about your best friend – they always know when you’re leaving things out. Charles was no exception, but he nicely let me pretend everything was fine.

One cold Sunday, I remember I was on the phone with him on my way to my parents’ house with my husband. When we got to the house, my husband went in and told my mom that I’d be in the house in a moment, but I was on the phone with Charles. Mom sighed and said, “He needs the love of a good woman.”

After nearly 5 years of marriage, my husband and I got divorced. I still heard from Charles here and there, but it was sporadic, and I knew he was a little bit bitter thanks to some relationships that hadn’t gone well among other things.

The following year, I heard from Charles again. I was afraid he was still bitter, and trying to give him some tough love, I said something stupid about him needing to toughen up. As I ended my text conversation with him, I expected to feel like I’d done something good for him. Instead, I felt as though I’d yelled at a puppy. What had I done? He had always been there for me and now when he needed me, I had been cruel.

Over the next 14 months, I tortured myself. I so badly wanted to talk to Charles, but what would I say? Would he answer me? Would he be nice or would he be distant? Not knowing what to do, I left the bridge burned.

As 2019 began, I was working with a life coach who encouraged me to write down 10 things that I wanted for the year. I wrote down the normal things – to lose weight, find a better job, move to a better apartment, etc, but there was one thing I wouldn’t let myself write on the list. I didn’t think it would happen, so why write it down? At the same time, there was nothing I wanted more, so I couldn’t replace it with something else. As my coach listened to my circular conundrum during our weekly session, she got quiet for a moment and finally recommended I just put it on the list and leave the rest up to God/The Universe/Higher Power/whatever-PC-term-you’d-like-to-add.

10. Fall in love. 

I wrote it on my list on January 26, and I can tell you that I instantly felt stupid for writing it in pen. At the same time, I felt relieved that I could just leave it there. Still, a large part of me thought, “That’s not going to happen before December 31, 2019.”

Several days later – 12 to be exact – , I scrolled through my phone book looking for my cousin to tell her a cute story from my day at work. As I dialed her number, I noticed Charles’ name just a few people below her. I decided to text him.

Hey, Charles. I’m really sorry for the last time we talked. If nothing else, I hope this message finds you well and happy. -Lauren

I deleted and rewrote the message about a dozen times before I finally sent it. And then, I held my breath. Just after I sent it, the three magical grey bubbles popped up letting me know he was responding. His text said he was surprised to hear from me, that he was at work, and he’d be free later that night.

That night, I could tell he was skeptical of my phone call, but he listened to me and forgave me for the last time I’d spoken to him. I was relieved.

Over the next few days, Charles texted me every single day. It was like clockwork. I found myself waiting for the text with bated breath, and usually by about 10 AM, he had already texted me.

Every time I saw his name pop up, even if all the text said was, “hi,” I felt my stomach flip. With that, I knew I liked him again. But what would I DO about it? Did he feel the same way? Would I just hide my feelings the way I had 10 years ago and find myself heartbroken when he found someone else again?

I waited. And then, I prayed.

God, if this is the guy, I just need a perfect opportunity to tell him how I feel. If you provide me with one, I promise to use it wisely.

It had been 9 days since I had reconnected with Charles. That night as we talked about reconnection, I found myself giving a hypothetical situation that began with, “What if we were dating and…?” As the words escaped my mouth, I froze. I knew he knew what I was getting at, but to my surprise he admitted to feeling the same way.

That day was 9 months ago. NINE months. I can hardly believe it’s been that long. In that time we’ve seen each other through getting better jobs, getting new apartments, the loss of a grandparent, meeting families, and the exchange of that 8-letter, 3-worded sentence that every person longs to hear.

So, to my mystery man, you certainly know who you are. I love you so much. Happy 9 months.

To the rest of you, you’ll have to wait and see who it is, but also, if you’re in that boat of wondering if the right person is out there, trust. Trust God to show you the way. Trust that God wants the best for you. And most of all, trust that the right roads will open to put the right person in your path.

Because when it happens, it will be the best thing that ever happens to you. Of that, I’m certain.

Item 10: check.