family

Like It’s Christmas

/ Lauren / 1 Comment

“You make every day feel like it’s Christmas every day that I’m with you.” – Jonas Brothers

For a long time, I thought being single during the holidays was the loneliest thing a person could experience.

I was wrong.

As I drove into work for my final day of teaching in 2025, I was jamming out to Like It’s Christmas by the Jonas Brothers. I adore this song, and it had me pumped for a half day with the first graders I’ve been lucky enough to be a long-term sub for since September.

As the lyrics played, my mind drifted back to my teenage self.

I used to hear songs like this and long for someone to spend holidays with—curled up by the fire, drinking hot cocoa, going on dates and to the movies, splitting time between my house and his, feeling like each other’s homes were extensions of our own.

I wanted that so badly.

But that’s not what I got.

Instead, I got a lot of guy friends who thought I was great… but didn’t want to date me. And I convinced myself that any guy who did want to date me must have something wrong with him—because who would actually want to date me?

The result? Desperation.

I wanted my person so badly that I turned any remotely handsome man who was kind to me into a potential future partner in my head. I didn’t even realize I was doing it at the time.

And honestly? It scared off a lot of really nice guys.

Here’s the thing: desperation doesn’t make you act like yourself. It makes you act like a less confident, less authentic version of yourself. And who is going to fall in love with you when you aren’t actually being you?

Guys can sense it from a mile away.

And yes—girls can, too.

When you’re desperate, you’re not really seeing people for who they are—you’re just trying to check a box. And when that’s the goal, you aren’t loving someone for their quirks, their imperfections, or the small things that make them them.

You’re not looking for the perfect person. You’re looking for the person who is perfect for you. And if you miss that, even marriage and kids won’t save you from feeling alone.

And I get it—holidays like Christmas and Valentine’s Day can sting when you’re in a season of waiting. Songs like Like It’s Christmas have a way of highlighting exactly how lonely you feel.

But take it from someone who has had her heart broken more times than she can count: being with the wrong person is far lonelier than actually being alone.

It will make you wonder why you ever wanted it at all.

Being married to the wrong person made me feel profoundly alone. I still remember walking off an airplane three days after I got married. We were newlyweds. We should have been walking hand-in-hand, excited to start our life together.

Instead, he charged ahead while I struggled to keep up behind him.

I remember the sinking feeling in my stomach and the thought that flashed through my mind:
What have I done?

The magic of the holidays disappeared. They became just ordinary days with some Christmas lights thrown in. The joy I once felt at Christmas was gone.

And I hated feeling that way.

That experience permanently changed how I think about love.

I learned that longing doesn’t mean you should force the timeline—and that wanting something badly doesn’t make it right.

The universe has a strange habit of delivering what you desire most—just not on your timeline.

As a teenager, I thought that idea was complete nonsense. Then where is he? I used to wonder.

My mom once told me to own the desire and let it happen. I struggled with that. I wanted to know who, where, and when so badly that I let it steal joy from the present. I let it ruin holidays with my family. I carried jealousy toward peers who seemed to have what I wanted.

If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: relax—and cherish being a kid. Because as a teenager, you still are one.

You have your whole life to be an adult. To find your person. To build a life together. In the meantime, trust that the person meant for you is out there—and the universe will crash you together at exactly the right moment.

It will happen.

So if you’re in a season of singleness, especially during the holidays, hear me when I say this: relax.

Enjoy your friends. Cherish your family. Own the desire without letting it consume you. Stay open. Stay hopeful.

You don’t need to force anything.

Let the universe take care of the rest.

Edit: After reading this post to my fiancé, he reminded me of something important when I got to the part about struggling to keep up with my ex-husband in the airport.

Once, when Garrett and I were coming home from Jamaica, we were cutting it close to catch our connecting flight after a long delay in customs. At the time, I had an undiagnosed thyroid issue that made me sluggish; even moving at a slow pace felt difficult.

Garrett walked patiently beside me—encouraging me, rubbing my back, matching my pace, encouraging me to take breaks when I needed to, and cheering me on.

When it became clear that we were going to miss the flight if we didn’t move faster, Garrett found a wheelchair and helped me into it. Then he piled our bags on top and pushed me through the airport as fast as he could. He’s a soccer player, and to say he can run fast is an understatement.

The contrast between his steady presence—staying with me, adjusting to me—and my ex-husband rushing ahead of me years earlier was impossible to miss.

With the right person, you will always be an equal. They won’t rush past you. They’ll stay with you, meet you where you are, and carry you forward when you need it.

“It Takes Two to Make a Thing Go Right…”

/ Lauren / 1 Comment

Why Your Marriage Should Come Before Your Kids (Yes, Really)

Recently, I saw a post from Sahil Bloom on Instagram: 10 Pieces of Relationship Advice Everyone Needs to Hear from Couples Married 50+ Years. Every piece of wisdom felt like gold, but one line in particular hit me:

“Never stop dating. Marriages don’t get boring — you stop trying.”

That advice stuck with me. In fact, it inspired this post, which might ruffle a few feathers: Your marriage should come first – not your children.

Yes, I know. That’s a bold statement in a world that tells us our children should be our everything.

You might already be mentally arguing with me.

  • “My children rely on me for everything – they have to come first.”
  • “You don’t have kids, so what do you know?”
  • “My spouse doesn’t show up the way they should – someone has to put the kids first.”

And I hear you.

Let me clarify: I’m not saying your children don’t matter. I’m not saying you should neglect their needs or ignore their emotional development. What I am saying is that if you don’t prioritize your marriage, everything else — including your parenting — suffers.

I don’t speak as a parent. I speak as a child of two parents who intentionally, deliberately, and consistently put their marriage first — and I’m grateful they did.

A Home Where the Marriage Came First

My brother and I were absolutely a priority in our home — we were well-loved, supported, and cared for. But we were not the center of the universe. That title belonged to the marriage of my parents.

They went on dates. They touched each other affectionately. They smiled when the other walked into the room. They didn’t just love each other — they liked each other.

And here’s something extraordinary: my parents have never had a fight. That doesn’t mean they always agreed — of course not. But when they disagreed, they did so with love and respect. There was no yelling, no name-calling, no icy silence. Just calm, honest conversations where both people felt heard.

As a little girl, I would watch my mom get dressed for a date with my dad. I remember the scent of Chanel No.19 as she kissed me goodbye and reminded me to be kind to the babysitter. My dad would be waiting, car keys in hand, ready to take her out for the evening.

And while I occasionally felt sad to be left behind, something inside me felt deeply secure. My parents wanted to spend time together. They were investing in each other, and that meant our home had a strong, steady foundation.

What Happens When Kids Come First — Always

I’ve seen the other side, too. I’ve seen what happens when couples push each other down the priority list — when children become the sun around which both parents orbit.

Here’s what I often notice in those families:

  • Date night gets canceled because the sitter fell through — again.
  • The kids sleep in the bed every night, leaving no room (physically or emotionally) for intimacy.
  • Conversations revolve around homework, activities, and logistics — not dreams, desires, or shared goals.
  • Physical touch becomes rare, or purely functional.
  • Resentment grows, slowly and quietly.

This dynamic often feels noble or selfless. “We’re giving our kids everything,” parents say. But at what cost?

Kids who grow up as the center of the universe don’t always thrive. In fact, child psychologists have found that children raised in homes where the parents have a strong, stable, loving relationship often feel more secure and less anxious than those who are over-indulged or placed on a pedestal.

A study published in The Journal of Family Psychology found that children whose parents had a high-quality marriage were more likely to experience emotional stability, perform better academically, and develop healthier relationships themselves.

On the flip side, research shows that marital conflict and emotional distance can negatively impact children’s development — even when parents believe they’re shielding their kids from it.

You may think you’re doing your children a favor by giving them everything and putting them first. But sometimes, the greatest gift you can give them is showing them what love looks like between two adults.

Marriage Is a Living Thing — You Have to Feed It

Relationships require intention. Just like a plant needs sunlight and water, a marriage needs time, affection, communication, and yes — romance.

Marriage doesn’t thrive on autopilot. It doesn’t stay healthy when it’s only getting the scraps of your energy after a day of parenting.

You don’t need lavish vacations (although I do recommend one child-free trip a year if you can swing it). You need consistent, small acts of investment:

  • A monthly date night
  • Touching base every day without distractions (yes, even for 10 minutes)
  • Sleeping in the same bed — without kids
  • Making time for sex, even when you’re tired
  • Asking questions like, “How are you doing?”
  • Speaking to each other with kindness, even in stress

Let your children see affection. Let them see you hug, kiss, laugh, flirt. Let them see you disagree respectfully. Show them what long-term love actually looks like.

And let them see you choose each other — over and over again.

“But My Spouse Won’t Help — I Have to Prioritize the Kids”

This is a real challenge, and I don’t want to gloss over it. If your partner isn’t pulling his or her weight, emotionally, physically, or practically, it’s incredibly hard to pour energy into the marriage.

But even in these situations, it’s important to draw boundaries and communicate openly. Putting your marriage first doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect or imbalance. It means fighting for connection where it’s possible — and sometimes, seeking help when it’s not.

Couples therapy is not just for crisis mode. It can be a proactive tool for learning to connect again. And for those parenting solo in a marriage, it might be the lifeline your relationship needs.

Kids Learn Love by Watching You

Perhaps the most important reason to put your marriage first is this: Your children will model their future relationships on the one they watched growing up.

If they see affection, teamwork, and playfulness between their parents, they will carry those expectations into adulthood. If they see disconnection, resentment, or emotional distance, they may normalize that, too.

You’re not just raising children — you’re raising future spouses. Future parents. Future humans who will learn how to love by watching you.

So ask yourself: What kind of love do I want them to imitate?

The Long Game: What Happens After They Leave?

There’s another reason to prioritize your spouse: Your children will leave one day.

They will grow up and move out. And when they do, what will be left between you and your partner? Too many couples become strangers once the nest is empty. They’ve poured every ounce of energy into the kids, and now that the kids are gone, they’re left with someone they barely know.

You don’t want to start over after 20 years of parenting. You want to keep going — together, hand in hand, into the next phase.

Choosing Each Other Isn’t Selfish — It’s Smart

Let me say this one more time, as clearly as I can: Putting your marriage first doesn’t mean loving your children less. It means loving them better.

A healthy, thriving marriage creates a home that feels safe and steady. It models what respect and affection look like. It shows your kids how to have hard conversations, how to laugh together, how to forgive.

It reminds them that love isn’t just something you say — it’s something you choose, over and over, even when it’s hard.

So go on that date night. Hold hands. Take the trip. Close the bedroom door.

Let your children see you choose each other — because one day, they’ll have to choose too. And when they do, may they remember what love looks like — because you showed them.