“You make every day feel like it’s Christmas every day that I’m with you.” – Jonas Brothers

For a long time, I thought being single during the holidays was the loneliest thing a person could experience.

I was wrong.

As I drove into work for my final day of teaching in 2025, I was jamming out to Like It’s Christmas by the Jonas Brothers. I adore this song, and it had me pumped for a half day with the first graders I’ve been lucky enough to be a long-term sub for since September.

As the lyrics played, my mind drifted back to my teenage self.

I used to hear songs like this and long for someone to spend holidays with—curled up by the fire, drinking hot cocoa, going on dates and to the movies, splitting time between my house and his, feeling like each other’s homes were extensions of our own.

I wanted that so badly.

But that’s not what I got.

Instead, I got a lot of guy friends who thought I was great… but didn’t want to date me. And I convinced myself that any guy who did want to date me must have something wrong with him—because who would actually want to date me?

The result? Desperation.

I wanted my person so badly that I turned any remotely handsome man who was kind to me into a potential future partner in my head. I didn’t even realize I was doing it at the time.

And honestly? It scared off a lot of really nice guys.

Here’s the thing: desperation doesn’t make you act like yourself. It makes you act like a less confident, less authentic version of yourself. And who is going to fall in love with you when you aren’t actually being you?

Guys can sense it from a mile away.

And yes—girls can, too.

When you’re desperate, you’re not really seeing people for who they are—you’re just trying to check a box. And when that’s the goal, you aren’t loving someone for their quirks, their imperfections, or the small things that make them them.

You’re not looking for the perfect person. You’re looking for the person who is perfect for you. And if you miss that, even marriage and kids won’t save you from feeling alone.

And I get it—holidays like Christmas and Valentine’s Day can sting when you’re in a season of waiting. Songs like Like It’s Christmas have a way of highlighting exactly how lonely you feel.

But take it from someone who has had her heart broken more times than she can count: being with the wrong person is far lonelier than actually being alone.

It will make you wonder why you ever wanted it at all.

Being married to the wrong person made me feel profoundly alone. I still remember walking off an airplane three days after I got married. We were newlyweds. We should have been walking hand-in-hand, excited to start our life together.

Instead, he charged ahead while I struggled to keep up behind him.

I remember the sinking feeling in my stomach and the thought that flashed through my mind:
What have I done?

The magic of the holidays disappeared. They became just ordinary days with some Christmas lights thrown in. The joy I once felt at Christmas was gone.

And I hated feeling that way.

That experience permanently changed how I think about love.

I learned that longing doesn’t mean you should force the timeline—and that wanting something badly doesn’t make it right.

The universe has a strange habit of delivering what you desire most—just not on your timeline.

As a teenager, I thought that idea was complete nonsense. Then where is he? I used to wonder.

My mom once told me to own the desire and let it happen. I struggled with that. I wanted to know who, where, and when so badly that I let it steal joy from the present. I let it ruin holidays with my family. I carried jealousy toward peers who seemed to have what I wanted.

If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: relax—and cherish being a kid. Because as a teenager, you still are one.

You have your whole life to be an adult. To find your person. To build a life together. In the meantime, trust that the person meant for you is out there—and the universe will crash you together at exactly the right moment.

It will happen.

So if you’re in a season of singleness, especially during the holidays, hear me when I say this: relax.

Enjoy your friends. Cherish your family. Own the desire without letting it consume you. Stay open. Stay hopeful.

You don’t need to force anything.

Let the universe take care of the rest.

Edit: After reading this post to my fiancé, he reminded me of something important when I got to the part about struggling to keep up with my ex-husband in the airport.

Once, when Garrett and I were coming home from Jamaica, we were cutting it close to catch our connecting flight after a long delay in customs. At the time, I had an undiagnosed thyroid issue that made me sluggish; even moving at a slow pace felt difficult.

Garrett walked patiently beside me—encouraging me, rubbing my back, matching my pace, encouraging me to take breaks when I needed to, and cheering me on.

When it became clear that we were going to miss the flight if we didn’t move faster, Garrett found a wheelchair and helped me into it. Then he piled our bags on top and pushed me through the airport as fast as he could. He’s a soccer player, and to say he can run fast is an understatement.

The contrast between his steady presence—staying with me, adjusting to me—and my ex-husband rushing ahead of me years earlier was impossible to miss.

With the right person, you will always be an equal. They won’t rush past you. They’ll stay with you, meet you where you are, and carry you forward when you need it.